Solo-Travelling to find self-love

Things weren’t working between us anymore. I needed a break and took a plane to London.

It was my first time traveling and staying by myself in a place that I knew a lot about but never thought of going there alone. The government had announced Brexit and I could feel the tension in the air. Everyone talked about it and all I wanted was to forget about the life I had left behind in Berlin. 

Two days into the trip and I clicked with this waiter working at Prêt à Manger (one of those clichés that often happen when you are travelling). He told me that when his shift was over, I could pick him up and he would take me out clubbing. I couldn’t tell him that I had a boyfriend… I mean, I didn’t want to. 

The hours passed by and I was conflicted with the thoughts of cheating or just living the moment. I ended up not showing up and instead, went back to my hostel and decided to go to bed. The next day I was going to focus on figuring out what I really wanted for my life. 

On the last day of my trip, I felt trapped in these thoughts: “Why can’t I find the courage to leave him?”; “Why do I keep forgiving him?”

You see, I believed love could change people. And even when it does, it is not because of you. It is because he fell in love with himself. Self-love is the big game-changer.

So, the question was: “When did I stop loving myself?”

I wiped the tears in my eyes and smiled when I felt the sun shining on my face through that glass window. And for the first time in a long time, I didn’t feel afraid or alone.

by Daniela Ramos

Featured photo by Jessica Papini
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